So, my brother and I just got back from a workshop we attended together. It was about meditations to improve intuition. Have you heard of Jose Silva? It was a Mind-Valley class based upon Silva’s work.
The class was pretty cool. Well, all except the red folding metal chairs. (Yikes!) As we were leaving Seattle for our 3 ½ hour drive home, we chatted about the class and what we got out of it. That’s a great way to retain the information received from any class – talk about it right away.
I did have one thing that I just didn’t care for. At one point the presenters started talking about all the important or famous people that have taken these classes. I shut down pretty darn fast when that starts to happen. Well, my brother said he really LIKED that part! It helped him to make it real to recognize who also participated.
Well isn’t that crazy!
The very thing that annoyed me was the very thing he needed!
People are so weird, are we not?
If I hadn’t mentioned my reaction, I would still have gotten stuck in the fact that the “name-dropping” was uncomfortable for me. Now I can see that it may not fit for me, but is important to others! I get to get over myself about that. I get to shift my perception and move into a more expansive point of view!
Makes me wonder where else I’ve gotten stuck in my own preferences and haven’t allowed for the preferences of others. I just automatically assume others are just like me.
During the processes for the class, my brother and I had opposite skill sets. One part of the processes I did really well and one part he did really well. One part he thought had great value while I got a bit bored.
Even though we had totally different responses to the workshop, we both enjoyed it and got a lot out of it.
The lesson for me here is not getting backed up because I don’t prefer something a certain way. It’s also a heads up for me to vary my teaching techniques a bit more. Hmmm. Lots to ponder about that!
Because I care about my brother, I could accept his perspective with loving awareness. If it was someone else, would I be more likely to criticize
or reject them because they perceived things differently? I hope not, not so sure! My opinions feel really right to me and really strong to me. I’m grateful this opportunity showed up to teach me yet another level of acceptance and inclusion.
I don’t have to agree with my brother. In fact, it would be destructive for me to dismiss my opinion and accept his, just because he said that’s how it is for him. I get to have my own views and opinions. I just don’t get to expect others to think or feel that same way.
In my first marriage, I would have doubted myself and felt as if my feelings and ideas were wrong. I would have tried to make myself like something that didn’t fit for me. Not only would that make me unhappy, it would make me fake – untrue to myself. Not worth it.
If someone attempts to push their opinions upon you, you can recognize that you view things differently. That’s wonderful! At the same time, hold to your own space and awareness. I didn’t try to make my brother dislike the naming-of-names. In turn, he didn’t mock me for not liking that. We just found it really amusing.
Let’s find more opportunities for amusement and less opportunities for argument.
So, I got my feelings hurt this morning. I was sharing something I thought was important and the person I was talking to interrupted me to tell me about something else. I let it slide knowing that they had a lot on their mind. When they did it a second time in our conversation, I felt hurt.
We concluded our talk and went on about our day.
I felt bummed out. I felt mad that I wasn’t listened to. I felt disappointed that something I was excited about was discarded so easily by someone I cared about. I felt irritated for all the times I listened to things they had to say whether I was directly interested or not.
I began to stew. My brain brought up all the other times this person has done this very thing!
Then I stopped myself short. This was getting me nowhere but in a dark spiral downward. No! Not going there!
I could call a friend who would side with me and support me in my sorrow. That would be really nice, but that would also keep me stuck there.
I could call another friend who would tell me to get over it. That might be a good idea, but certainly wouldn’t make me feel any better. And truth be known, I didn’t want to get over it! It hurt!
What other choice might I have?
I could find a way to shift . . . couldn’t I?
I did some writing about a totally different subject. That got me a bit of distance from the hurt feelings. I sat out in the sun for a bit and did some reading. That got me a bit more distance from the hurt feelings. I was taking care of myself. Nurturing myself.
Then I got to thinking about it again from a different perspective – a nurtured perspective. I got to thinking about where the other person was and the difficulty that was weighing on them. They whole heart and mind was consumed with their current challenge. Their slighting me had nothing to do with me. I could take their slight personally or I could see it for what it really was – their own pain taking over their awareness.
In that moment, I decided to recognize their pain and their challenge with compassion. All of a sudden, my own hurt feelings vanished. I began to consider how I might be more supportive of them. I also began to remember all the times they were supportive of me! I had forgotten! My feeling hurt had blinded me from that truth!!
My decision to recognize them with compassion totally eliminated the pain I had been feeling. It was GONE!!
What a huge relief!
I was then able to joyfully begin writing this to you. What a huge shift!
I think this shift is called forgiveness
Prior to my spiritual awakening, I was busy, busy, busy. Never really felt much of anything, just hurried and harried through stress-filled days. Once I began to take stock of my life, began to cherish each moment, and find a deeper more meaningful connection with Spirit I began to feel overloaded. I would walk into a restaurant and as I passed each table or booth I would feel what each and every person was feeling. Angry, sad, hungry, full, lonely, frustrated, aching back, sore shoulder, headache, et. al. Dizzying to say the least!
I came to realize that I was an Empath. An Empath is one who heals by taking on the hurts and suffering of another to discharge or release. An Empath takes on the pain of another and once that pain is within them, they transform it, clear it, and dispose of it in some way. Without knowing how to release that energetic information could take me days to feel better.
An Empath is ENERGETICALLY PROGRAMMED to take pain and suffering from others. Empaths often cannot watch movies or TV shows or read books that portray betrayal, or criticism, or man's inhumanity to man. We just take it all in – we're just like an energetic Bounty paper towel - the quicker picker up-er! The paper towel sucks up the water because the dry part draws the wet into itself. It is its destiny. It is the destiny of an Empath is to create balance. We desire the sad to be happy or at least neutral. We desire the pain to be clear. We desire the suffering to be soothed. We draw anything out of balance into ourselves!
"But why me, God?! I don't want to be this way! I have other things that I want to do with my life. I want to let other people have their own stuff. Why do I take it on? Why?" Because you can. Not everyone can. You can - you do. Just like you can have blue eyes or curly hair or a green thumb or an ear for music. Trying to be what we are not only confounds the issue. Being the best of who and what we are will allow us to move through the energetic process more easily. So if you're ticked off at Spirit for being an Empath, you might want to have an Empath ease that away from you! ‘Cause baby you got it! That doesn't mean that you have to spend every waking minute processing the suffering of others. It does mean that you get to learn to use the process so you can call upon it when necessary.
"Can a person who is not an Empath become one?" I believe with intent we can do that. However, if you are not an Empath, you may have an easier way to do healings than taking it physically into your being. Being an Empath is not the easiest way to go, not the fastest form of healing, yet it can be the most profound way of healing. For, by really feeling what another person feels or what another
person is experiencing that allows us to be more compassionate and emotionally involved with the healing process.
When we share with someone that we hurt in our left knee and their left knee is hurting, the one being healed acknowledges and validates that YOUR left knee is hurting. By so doing the one being healed dis-associates themselves from their own pain and that is a root beginning of the healing process. As they sense that you feel their pain, they no longer have to carry it alone. They knowingly or unknowingly share their suffering. In that sharing they give themselves permission to let go of the suffering. The letting go process creates a pathway to healing. In our culture we are programmed to be on the defense of others dumping on us or expecting something from us. Getting the person being healed to allow you to suffer with and for them opens a connection, a doorway to surrender. With surrender, resistance drops. As resistance drops, healing energy can flow. That shared experience leads to an increase of the healing energetic flow. Healing begins.
"What about emotional pain? Does it go to the left knee?" A pain may be drawn into any part of the body or into an energy field just outside the area to which it corresponds. You've possibly seen me reach into someone's aura and remove something or move something around. I'm reshaping distorted energy or removing blocked energy in the auric/energetic field. For example: betrayal can lodge itself in a corresponding area in the 3rd eye or hover over the 3rd eye which discerns truth or in the back (stabbed in the back) or the heart space where trust abides or in the throat where speaking one's truth resides. Or hover over any of those areas. The energetic information regarding an emotional abuse can lodge in the muscle tissues as the muscles take action – in an abuse situation, often inaction is the only means of survival. Old energetic information locked in the muscles is the pathology of fibromyalgia - pain in the muscle tissue. I believe that the increase of so many people with fibromyalgia or CFIDS is a result of one's own issues and Empathic energy reception without a way to release it.
No shame or blame here. The person that is hurting may not intentionally be sending pain to an Empath. Remember, they (we) are programmed to pick it up. No shame or blame here for carrying that pain. Without the tools to release that energy, what else could one do with it, except store it?
"So, how do we release this Energetic Information?" There are probably as many ways to release this Energetic Information as there are Empaths. Every Empath learns in their own way to filter suffering and/or to release it. I'll share with you some techniques that have worked for me and for some other Empaths that I know. Try them all and see what works for you. After trying these suggestions, you may
find a way that works even better! Let me know and I'll add it to the list for others to try.
First, it is important to note that we can find it difficult to let go of this Energetic Information. We feel so RESPONSIBLE. That may be past life stuff or our history imposing itself upon us. We have to MAKE that healing happen. We are in charge of that person's healing . . . this is a V8 moment – reminds me of the old commercial where the guy slaps himself up-side-the-head and says, "I could have had a V8!"
We are the conduit - not the Source. We are the instrument - not the Musician. Here-in lies the rub. It can be difficult to allow Spirit to move through us. Our culture has the expectation "do it yourself!" The most powerful word in the spiritually awakened person's language is . . . ALLOW. I was struggling with the communion cups one Sunday, like I always struggled with the communion cups. They just stick together and once the get stuck it is really frustrating trying to rip them apart. It's kind of like those Chinese finger locks. Trying to hurry to set up for services, I became very impatient with myself and those cups! I took a deep breath and out loud said the word ALLOW. Those cups just popped apart! I don't know why that word came to me just then. I don't know why I said it out loud. All I know is the resistance within me came away from me and I was able to accomplish what was important for the moment. This same process will work for anything! My keys were jumbled together and I couldn't get to the one I wanted. Allow! The keys released. When we practice ALLOW! in our everyday life, then the ALLOW! becomes easy in the healing process.
Once we've got ALLOW, we can go to the next step. Be the observer and see where the energy comes in to your energy field. You can control its entry point with your intent once you can observe and be aware. Until then it may be impossible to know where the stuff comes in - we just know it's there and it's got to go! So here are a few ways to release energetic information from the body or the energy field.
*Here's one of my favorites: "The Psychic Flush"
Rub your hands together and once the energy has built up, touch an inanimate object like a chair or a table or a wall. Just like when we were kids shuffling across a rug and zapping an unsuspecting sibling, this process discharges energetic static from our energy field. You'll feel a whoosh of energy and a release of clutter/static from your body. You can do this at work without anyone really knowing what you're doing. Try it in a meeting when things are getting "thick." Whoosh! All the discomfort will clear! It's a cool trick!
*Here's another favorite: "The Psychic Drain"
Try putting your hands out away from your body, shaking them gently and ALLOW the energy to drain out of your fingertips into the earth where it can be healed, changed, transformed, and renewed by the Earth/Spirit into usable energy.
*For energy stuck deeply into the body - "Pull & Release"
Grab into your energy field with your hand and imagine that you are grabbing all the pain and stuck energy. Once you have a grip on it, give it a little tug to loosen it. Then yank it out of there. You'll feel it release. Let it fall away or float away from your hands or do the "Psychic Drain."
*Powerful tool for energy stuck deeply into the body - "Transmute & Clear"
Look into yourself to see the energy that is blocked. You may be able to do this by actually looking into yourself, or you may do this in your imagination. However that energy looks to you, be aware of it. Ask for Spiritual energy to come to you and transmute that energy block into a release-able form. You may have an idea of what form you would like it to transform into or you may just allow Spirit to transform it as required. I imagine the energy transmuting into energetic spirals of energy that carry the clutter as tiny particles. Those spirals of energy then exit the body with the outermost point of light escaping first and the rest spiraling out and spinning away into the universe.
*Transmute Color & Clear
Often Empaths will work in a helping or service environment. The compassionate heart of the Empath will slurp up any negative, hurtful, or harmful energy into the body. The Empath is programmed to do so. The key is to release it, let it go. I’ve found that by seeing the energy that I’ve slurped up as a color, I can more easily let the energy go. If the energy seems dark or gray or smoky or shadowy or dim, I can transform the energy into a brighter, clearer color and then it is very easy to just see that color moving out of my body. It is also easier to sweep away a happy yellow than it is a muddy tan. The happy yellow is light and moves easily in response to my will – my direction. The muddy, or cloudy color is sticky and resistant. So envision any energy that you may have picked up along the way. See what color it is. See where it might be residing in your physical form. Ask Spirit, the angels or your guides to change its color into something lighter and brighter. Then you can mentally or physically sweep yourself and the color will sweep away effortlessly. Transmute the color of the unwanted energy into a brighter color or one of higher vibration. Once the color has brightened, brush it out of your body or breathe it out of your energy field, or sweep it away from you, or ground it out into the Earth. Find the way that works best for you.
Know this!! As you are transmuting the color within your own form, the similar energy that resides within the person that carried it previously is also being changed. They will experience a healing as a result of your efforts.
The process in a nutshell: see the dense, hurting color; ask for assistance in changing the color; sweep the color away out of your physical form. It’s just energy and cannot stick to anyone in its transmuted form. The energy can then be usable energy. It can assist plants in growing and children in playing and be useful in any number of ways. Try it!
*Another powerful tool for release - "Lay it at Jesus Feet"
Whether on a conscious level or not, some Empaths feel that God / Spirit / Source / The Universe doesn't deserve that pain so unknowingly attempt to protect Spirit from that pain and continue to hang on to the energetic block. It's what we do - absorb pain! The Christian faith can be really helpful in this instance. The Christian belief system holds that Jesus suffered and died once for all beings and in those moments of suffering he carried the suffering of everyone for all time. Hence the thought form, "By his stripes (suffering) we are healed." This allows the Empath the opportunity to take any and all pain and suffering to that point in time and attach it on the cross, or lay it at Jesus' feet. This can be done a couple of ways.
A.) In the imagination, allow yourself to travel back in time. While standing at the foot of the cross, allow Jesus to take the pain/blocked energy from you. See the kindness in his eyes. Feel the compassion. Know that you are doing the right thing. This is His destiny. This is what he came to do. He is the Ultimate Empath.
B.) Take that same mental journey back in time. Hold the energy out towards Him, and let it be absorbed by Jesus.
C.) Take that same mental journey and place your hands on the cross just below Jesus' feet. Similar to a psychic flush, you will feel the whoosh of the release.
Along those same lines, you can take the energy to another time and place of spiritual significance for you and leave it there. Take care to not take energy to another dimension as they have their own stuff to deal with. Choose a place and time before you began the journey.
It can take concerted conscious effort to release the Energetic Information we take on when it parallels our own personal experiences. Those energies find familiar territory and attempt to take up residence. If you are susceptible to a backache and are healing someone with a backache, it could take concerted effort to not let the energy get to your own back before you can release it. With your intent, keep it
in your hands or hold it in your aura or energy field. If that blocked energy finds its way to the common suffering point, you get to do another healing on yourself! Perhaps we have not healed ourselves of an injury or an injustice. The other's healing may be a way in which we create our own healing - perhaps it’s just the healing we’ve been waiting for.
Here is a big "Ooooops up side the head" - that other person's suffering may be because Spirit feels it is time for YOU to be healed. Your paths have crossed at just this right time so you can be free of some pain. What a blessing! We deal with our own betrayal when we can take on and release someone else's betrayal.
There is sooooooo much more I could share on this subject, yet I feel this is enough (maybe more than enough) to digest at this point in time. Learning to FILTER the energetic information before taking it on can be useful - another topic for another day. It is my sincere hope that this information helps your journey as an Empath.
Phil and I finally were able to take the dog for a walk down by the river at Bateman Island. We experienced a few slushy areas and some parts of the trail still covered in ice and snow. (By the time you read this you will think—what snow? It’s melting fast!) At one point, I slipped on ice and nearly took a tumble. I staggered a bit before Phil and I connected and I grabbed a hold of him.
Isn’t that how it is? We go along just fine and only when we lose our balance do we reach out to others. Thank goodness Phil was there to stabilize me. He didn’t need to pick me up and carry me. He didn’t need to walk for me, he just offered stability that saved the day. That would have been a hard fall on the frozen ground.
Who do you reach out to when you are hurting? Is it someone who offers stability or someone who tries to fix it for you? Is it someone that is really there for you or someone that finds ways to need you instead? Do you stagger around trying to regain your balance by yourself?
Maybe you have a friend in deed or maybe you find ways to rely upon Divine Assistance for stability and strength. Or maybe you do both. Going it alone is certainly a lot harder.
Once I stabilized and grabbed a hold of Phil he said, “What are you doing!?” I replied, “Nearly falling, of course!” We had a good laugh about that. One doesn’t plan to slip or lose their balance. Life happens. Slips happen. Sometimes we don’t even know we are out of balance until we are on our backsides nursing bruises and a wounded pride.
What is balance? Balance is that delightful space where we take in life- it’s joys and beauty without a second thought. We appreciate the birds’ singing and the warm sun. We find gratitude for the small things and appreciate the love and kindness in our lives.
When we are out of balance, nothing matters except that which is pulling us down. Whatever situation we find ourselves takes all our attention. When my feet started to slip out from under me, I couldn’t care less if the sun was warm nor could I hear the song birds. Yet once I regained my footing, I could notice those things again.
Often even after we’ve regained our footing, we stop noticing. We stop listening. We guard ourselves. We hold back. We stop moving forward. We discover someone is untrustworthy, so we stop trusting. We get hurt and we shut down our feelings.
How can we restore balance more quickly? Fast answer—do something creative or get out in nature. That shift into creativity or that sense of nature resets our inner and spiritual balance. Then we can move forward confidently—in balance— while enjoying life’s majesty within life’s ordinary moments.
So, I’ve been doing a lot of writing lately. I’m beginning another book, Dream Quest Field Guide. I hope to have it completed by the time I present the next Dream Quest, an intensive set for June 21-23. Looks like there will be about 7 or 8 chapters at this point in the journey. I’m midway through chapter 3. Lots to go.
As this writing unfolds, I’m remembering where and when each of the energetic modalities was gifted to me through visions or insights or just stumbling blindly into experiencing. It’s been a long journey. A blessed journey for sure. Yet, a long one. Lots of struggles that yielded beautiful results. Wouldn’t miss it for the world, but wouldn’t want to do it again!
I guess that’s why I’m so driven to share what I know and have experienced in a way that people can get it and use it effortlessly. I learned the hard way. You shouldn’t have to! As I write about clearing, I remember being totally overwhelmed and Phil and I figuring out how to do it differently. As I write about using energy, I remember being blocked and finding ways to break through and break free.
If you find yourself in a space where you feel overwhelmed or blocked, know this . . . you are not alone. There are others who can help you. AND . . . you may be experiencing what you are experiencing so that you and Divine Source together find a way through. That may be something YOU get to share with another.
I remember not being able to say no to people who would drain my energy or take advantage of my kindness. As I discovered that I could pray and say, “I’m uncomfortable with that” people would back away. Maybe it was Divine Intervention because I prayed with my whole heart about it first. Either way, I wrote a list of responses that didn’t include “no” and posted them next to my phone (this was before cell phones – a LOOOOONG time ago.) I got better at it.
Now, as I share those experiences, others are blessed by them. Do I want to relive those? Oh, no way! I don’t ever want to go back to that overwhelmed helpless feeling.
Do I ever feel overwhelmed anymore? Certainly! Yet, now I have a tool box full of tools that assist me. Each tool is wrapped in prayer.
Are you remembering to pray? Did you forget how? Do you resist because the God that was preached at you doesn’t fit the identity of the God of Love? Might want to pray for Divine Intervention to reveal God – the True God - to you.
I’ve also been there done that! Talk about scary! I dethroned the false god of fear from my heart-throne. He was furious! Stormed out in a rage! (It’s pretty scary to think you pissed off God!) Then my heart-throne began to glow and a loving energy came and sat on my heart-throne and beckoned me to join Him there. Now, my Sacred Self and Divine Source share the throne of my heart. Holy wow! He doesn’t tell me what to do, but rather guides me in the decisions I make. I much better scenario than living in fear of blame and retribution.
You and God/Divine Source have a destiny together. Reconnect in a new way. In a good way. In a blessed way.
Then, from that place of loving support, share what you know. You are and will be a great blessing
So, Phil and I went out of town for a week. First vacation longer than 4 days we’ve had in over 10 years. 10 years!!! Whew! That’s a long time. Because he and I love what we do, and we take time for socializing, we don’t require much downtime. (Good thing! Lol)
This trip took us to Joshua Tree National Park among other adventures. It was quite cold and the wind was whipping around at 35 + mph, so that part wasn’t fun. What was fun was seeing the rock formations and the amazing Joshua trees.
I’m a goof. I just love rocks. Rocks talk to me. Well, at least I sense that I hear them.
When we pulled into the park, I was expecting to see high desert with lots of Joshua trees. (Joshua trees are actually a kind of Yucca plant – who knew?) Well, there certainly were a ton of Joshua trees. There was also an abundance of incredible rock formations! It looked like a child had been playing with blocks and stacked some up here and there.
These rocks had a lot of energy! And like each unique rock or crystal, these structures had their own brand of energy. These structures were strong, yet playful. Ancient, yet childlike.
I attempted to balance one rock on another, but the wind made it difficult. Even with frigid fingers, I succeeded anyway, however! (Rock balancing is an addiction I’m happy to teach you!) As I wandered through the rocks and wove my way around the trails, I lost sight of Phil and my brother, Joe. They were doing their own exploring.
In those silent moments alone with the rocks, I felt safe. I asked them what I needed to know. I felt this deep rumble through my body. It was a strengthening happening. It came from really deep within the earth and resonated deeply within my being. I was being shaken but not distressed. My old fears, angers, doubts, and unforgiving self, fractured with this rumbling. I was vented. The wind whipped through me and swept me clean.
I could tell I had more conscious work to do to release the rest of it, but the old hidden distress was broken and released. Wow! What a feeling! Several of the books I’m currently reading just happened to be about releasing old trauma. I’m sure that was just and accident I happened to pick those up just before the trip.
Just know that where ever you are right now, it’s right where you can receive a blessing and a healing. Ask for it. Trust that it will happen. Be ready to receive it. It might be subtle or it might be profound.
What will you ask for? Healing of past hurts? Freedom from physical ailment? Self-forgiveness for being human? Releasing of someone else’s anger dumped on you? Cleansing from the shame and blame foisted upon you by someone who supposedly cared about you? What’s your biggest thing?
You ask for it – you got it! May you be richly blessed in this!
I’ve been working on some Facebook ads for our upcoming Healing Light Expo (April 13th and 14th at the Red Lion in Kennewick). I have a bunch of graphics I’m reviewing to see if they will work for us. Then I’m finding text that fits the graphics and fits what our Expo is about. And the text can only be a few words per ad. “Feel the Energy!” “What Will You Learn?” are a few of the phrases I’m using.
Graphics speak to our hearts directly. You’ve heard the phrase, “A picture is worth a thousand words.” The words then speak to our awareness. Words cut through illusion and directly to the heart of a matter. Together, graphics and words inspire or instill a desire to move forward.
Do you have a picture or a graphic that really speaks to you? A sunset? An innocent child? Puppies or kitties playing? You might want to find a picture that really speaks to your heart. Then ask it what it’s saying to you!
Is the sunset calling you to rest? Or is that sunset calling you to notice the beauty around you? Only you will know its true message for you. It speaks to YOUR heart. Listen!
What about the innocent child? What does that picture tell you? View the world with child-like wonder, or trust yourself, or rest easy in the arms of love . . .
What about playing critters? Are they asking you to play? Or are they asking you to set aside your busy-busy life for a bit to recharge.
What picture did you choose? How is Divine Source using that image to communicate to your heart? What is that sacred message?
As you go through your day and you happen to catch a visual that grabs your heart, just be with it for a moment. In that moment, that sacred moment, Divine Source speaks to your heart. It’s wise to listen. It’s a blessing to listen.
I’m including a graphic with this blog. What is Divine Source saying to your heart within this visual? Perhaps you cannot find the words right away. That’s okay, let the image sit within your heart for a bit. When the message comes, you will hear it. You will know it. You will experience it.
Take the time to be blessed by this process. You might want to try this every day to see what your guidance might be!
I was chatting with a friend the other day and she expressed reluctance to bother me or intrude in my life with a question. I replied that she could trust me to tell her if I was too busy to answer her at that moment. She said she felt relief in that expression of trust. Safe, clear boundaries do that! They help us feel safe and they help the people in our lives feel safe.
She went on to say that she knows co-workers that defer even if they don’t want to because they feel obligated. It’s uncomfortable for everyone. She wonders, “do you really have a moment for instruction or are you just saying so because I’m the lead and you feel you can’t say no?
Energetically, unclear boundaries feel unsafe and therefore everyone feels on edge a bit.
So what are safe boundaries and how do I get there when I can’t say no?
I totally get this! I remember years ago I could NOT say the “no” word. Just couldn’t do it. I would do things I didn’t want to do or bail out at the last minute. I would have a neighbor take my car for the whole day when I only got the car one day a week to do errands. At great hassle to myself, I gave in – every time!
I knew I had to set a boundary but I just didn’t know how.
So, I did what I always do when I’m stuck. I prayed about it. Now, personally, I think prayer is magic because here’s what happened. That neighbor called again knowing that I had the car. I had a ton of errands to do and needed it for my own stuff. As the phone was ringing, I still didn’t have an answer and I was still praying!
I picked up the phone and heard her request. What came out of my mouth was nothing short of a miracle. I said, “I’m uncomfortable with that.” I didn’t know what else to say, so I kept silent. I knew that whatever excuse I came up with she would have a better reason. It felt like I”d dropped a bomb. After a really long moment the neighbor said, “Oh, ok. I’ll just get Sue to loan me her car. Thanks anyway.”
That statement “I’m uncomfortable with that” was TRUTH. Pure truth. No guilt, no shame, no blame, no excuse . . . just truth. That truth set me free! Holy Wow!!
That one experience gave me courage to speak my truth in other situations. The trick is finding the truth amidst the muck of obligation, fear of judgment or criticism, and the verbal/emotional manipulation from others. I didn’t want them to feel badly because that meant I would feel their pain as well as mine. (Untrained Empaths feel everything!) When I gave in, at least I only felt my own suffering.
It gets to a point when you just have had enough of that inflicted suffering and just want to be free of it. The truth does that. It frees you. It frees you from manipulation and it frees you from fear, obligation, and suffering needlessly.
But I don’t want others to not like me or be mad at me. They might not be mad at you. The might, but the pain of being mad at yourself is worse, isn’t it? It certainly gets to be after a while.
So, I wrote out some TRUTH statements and taped them next to my phone so I’d be ready. That really helped in the days when I was learning to speak my truth.
You see, we can comply – do what others want. Rebel – defy a request out of hand; don’t do what others want when you said you would, or wiggle out of an agreement. Or Walk a Sacred Path – doing what is in your heart to do. Guess which one grants you powerful energy to move forward? On a sacred path, we may choose to do something that someone asks of us – not out of obligation or fear but out of our free will and our loving heart. Or we will decline their request – not out of anger and frustration but out of our free will and our loving heart.
Whatever you are doing, notice if you have an energy of being pulled back, held up, or restricted . . . you are not walking in your truth on your sacred path. (To be clear, we all do things we don’t like to do. Cleaning toilets isn’t fun, yet that may be part of my sacred path.)
So, if someone is expecting me to do something, I get to choose which space I’m in. Comply? Rebel? Or Walk a Sacred Path. Finding my truth leads me directly onto my sacred path. Even though to someone else it might look like complying or rebelling. You heart knows the truth of it.
The truth is neutral. The truth does not carry a negative charge – even if it’s not what the other person wants to hear! If a person chooses to get upset, you get to stay neutral. How cool/powerful is that!?! Even an Empath can walk the Sacred Path of Truth without suffering.
Here are some Clear Boundary statements that speak the truth:
-I’m uncomfortable with that.
-I know I did that for you before, but not today. (Remember -don’t give them a REASON or an EXCUSE – they will pick it to pieces and overpower you. Just speak your truth and be silent!)
-Perhaps another time. I have other commitments for now. (If they push for a when, just repeat yourself . . . “I have other commitments for now.” If they push for what’s more important than them, just repeat yourself . . . “I have other commitments for now.”)
-Hmm. That sounds like a tough situation. If anyone can figure it out, you can. (Silence – let them figure it out! What a gift you are giving them!)
-I’m not sure how to respond to that. Let me get back to you. (give yourself time and space to think! You have a right to that!)
-I have to think about that.
-I don’t have an answer right now.
-If my help wasn’t an option, what else might you do?
You get the idea! Have fun with creating your own list based on your own circumstances.
Remember: Speak the TRUTH and then be SILENT. If you are asked a question like “Who do you think you are?” they are not seeking information, they are seeking to belittle you, steal your power, and get their own way. Don’t bite that hook! It’s manipulation and you are breaking free from that!
Keep finding new ways to say no without using the no word. It can be fun! This empowers you while helping others feel safe in your world. Your life is your world. Own it.
So, Phil just installed a new keyboard for me – well for us. I primarily use this computer, so I’m claiming it. We’ve had this new keyboard for over a year. Actually, we’ve had two new ones just laying around. Phil’s work, hobbies, and ½ acre of property keep him really busy! This keyboard is wireless. I’m not sure I’m going to be putting it on my lap to type, but should I ever want to, I could do that!
Why didn’t I replace they keyboard myself? Good question. Actually, I was way-okay with the old one. My fingers knew just where to go. As a matter of fact, I had written two books (and a lot of re-writing – lol) and numerous classes using that keyboard. It was so well worn that the letters on the keys are no longer visible. Nothin’ but black. The numbers were still clear and a few letters like “Q” were still visible, but most of the rest of them were worn off. Which is no problem when you are typing along lickety-split and letting ideas flow onto the page. However, once a correction becomes necessary, you kinda need to see the letters!
So it is with life.
We get on auto pilot and we just let our lives flow as we go. Until we discover we need to make a correction. Perhaps we require more rest and auto pilot drives us to late nights. Without seeing what we are doing, change becomes impossible.
Seeing – rather perceiving – what we are doing leads us into awareness. That awareness is like my new keyboard. Bright and clear.
Certainly, my fingers aren’t flying over the keys as fast as they were on the old one. There is a slight difference in the placement of the keys. They are both ergonomic, yet this one has bends where the other had straights. This one has lows where the other one had highs. I’m having to do a lot of backspacing to have a correct text. It would have been hilarious for you to see the mess I started with! At the same time, I can already feel this keyboard is even better for my wrists and fingers. (I feel another book coming on!!! – actually two more.)
So even when our awareness leads us into change and it feels uncomfortable, we also experience the subtle shifts that allow us to be even better – feel even better – perform even better – live even better.
If you feel like a change is due, you might need a bit of help to get started. Find someone to assist, like Phil. Then allow yourself to get acquainted with the new process. Allow imperfection to happen as you step into a new pattern. In time, it will just be natural – like the old way was. Only now you’ll be more comfortable in your own skin – in your own life.
A small change makes a big difference.
So, I was in the chiropractor’s office the other day. In walked a fella who announced that he expected to see both chiropractors immediately. He then sat down near me and started talking about something grim that happened years ago in our community. I just said I didn’t want to talk about that. He excused himself to the restroom. In those brief moments, I recognized I was dealing with an energy zombie.
I prayed for strength and safety while checking to see if I was grounded and spiritually connected. Both were good. Whew! (grounding = being aware of the Earth beneath my feet and the conduit of energy flow between me and the bedrock or the core of the Earth. Spiritual Connection = sensing the connection between me and Divine Source, having a sense of Angels or Spirit Guides nearby to assist.)
When he came back, he apologized for talking about that old incident, so I thought for a moment we could just chat about the weather or something neutral.
He started in on something else that was grim, negative and totally nothing either of us could do anything about. So, I just said, “Ya know, I’d rather talk about something positive.”
I could see his gears grind to a halt. It’s what I call an “ERK.” The pattern of thought gets disrupted and you can see a person pull back. Sometimes you can see them tilt their head or have a blank stare.
I told him what I thought positivity was and how powerful it can be to bring love and joy into a person’s life. ERK.
He brought up staying at a friend’s house while they were out of town. I said what a blessing that was for both him and the other person. “It was filthy!” he grumped.
Well, it went on from there. No matter what he said, I said something positive in return. At one point, he condemned his friend for not helping him financially. I said, “Hmm, you might be in judgment about that.” ERK.
He condemned this person and that organization – on and on.
They finally took him into another room.
The office staff asked how I was doing and I said I was fine. And I was!
Check in! Are you feeling fine? If not your energy slipped! Re-ground yourself. (Notice the bedrock or the core of the Earth beneath your feet and the energy flow.) Are you spiritually
connected? (Sense out for your Maker, Angels or Guides. Once you sense them, your spiritual connection reactivates.) See? Fun! Way-Cool!
I had picked up immediately on the situation and had armed myself with grounding (to allow the dark energy to flow away from me) and Spiritual connection (to allow clean energy to flow in to my whole being. I even sensed angels drawing near to me.)
Afterwards, I did a breathing technique that really helps to clear and heal this sort of distress. I based this technique on the Quantum Touch Healing technique. It’s a powerful healing methodology you might want to learn about.
Notice the Universe. Space. Notice its vastness. Notice that even though it’s spacious, it’s also full of planets and solar systems and constellations. Full yet spacious. Notice how it feels. Open. Powerful. Peaceful. Moving. Changing. Silent. I also recognize that God (Divine Source) created the Universe out of love and creativity. Not out of duty and obligation, but joy!
I breathe in this Universal Joy and sweep it up my body to about an arm’s length over my head. At this point I focus upon something I love, appreciate, or enjoy. Maybe you love a favorite pet or family member. Or you love a favorite book or vacation perhaps. Maybe you’d like to focus upon how wonderful it feels to get together with friends or how much you enjoy rock climbing (I accidentally typed rock clinging – that’s what I would do! lol) or gardening. Create an image of anything that brings you deep, pleasant feelings and place it over your head.
When the Universal Joy connects with that which we love, it allows us to hope for everyone on this planet to feel the same love and joy or positive feelings that we experience. We then allow this compassionate energy to release by exhaling this compassion to the whole planet by breathing through heart-space. (Okay, so air goes in and out of our lungs and nose, but energy flows wherever you desire it to go. The air will go out your nose, but the energy will flow out your heart-space.)
Breathe in Universal Joy and sweep it up your body to above your head. Allow that to connect with what you love, appreciate or enjoy and exhale compassion through your heart-space.
Breathe in Universal Joy. Pause while you connect with your own deep feelings. Exhale compassion through the heart-space.
Breathe in joy. Connect. Exhale compassion through the heart-space.
Universal Joy. Connect. Compassion for all.
Universal Joy. Connect. Compassion for all.
Do this for a few minutes and you will find yourself uplifted. You are untouchable here. Other’s neediness and distress cannot effect you in this state of being.
It’s not about being perfect. It’s about returning to this state of being when you choose to do so.
Your intuition can remain an active and vital part of your being without causing you distress. It’s really not your intuition that’s causing the distress, it’s our reaction to other’s distress that creates one’s own distress. This breathing technique built upon our intuition helps uplift us out of that sense of distress that isn’t ours anyway!
I’ve shared with you some new tools.
You’ll forget them. We all do. And yet, when you really need them, they will pop back into your memory. Perhaps the next time you feel drained you might sigh heavily. That sigh will remind you to breathe intentionally. You will remember there is a breathing technique to assist you and uplift you. You’ll then remember this process and will be able to help yourself instantly.
Many blessings with this. It’s saved my well-being on more than one occasion!