I want to share with you a spiritual experience that happened a little while ago that changed my life!
A creeping crud got ahold of me a few weeks ago. Started with a sore throat and moved into a vicious cough. For me I experienced the added benefit of extreme fatigue. Oh, joy. In my come-from, my value as a human being derives its worth from doing and I was totally unable to do anything. My life reduced down to just being miserable and unable to feel better.
Mostly, I just looked at stuff on my phone. Some stupid stuff and some interesting stuff. One interesting thing was a quote from a defense attorney, Jefferson Harris. I watch him because he shares wonderful, calm responses when we find ourselves criticized or embroiled in conflict. As conflict adverse, I really appreciate his coaching insights. He defined mercy as: withholding from someone what they deserve and grace as: giving someone something they don’t deserve. Meaning this. We offer someone mercy when we withhold judgment, hatred, and criticism when they truly deserve it. (People can be really brats.) We give someone grace when we give them kindness, compassion, or gentleness when they don’t deserve that kind of treatment. (They more likely deserve a swift kick in the pants!)
This sets the stage for what happened about a week later.
Someone told me they were going to do something for me and they didn’t. Not feeling well coupled with fatigue caused that disappointment to hit hard. I felt let down, abandoned, and as if I didn’t matter to them. I started to cry. I took it personally. I recounted to myself all the times I’d gone out of my way for them. I recited to myself why I really needed help and it’s so hard for me to ask for help in the first place and how let down I felt. (Don’t we just love to tell ourselves stories to flesh out the suffering?)
All of a sudden, I heard a voice. Not my voice, but THE voice. It said, “They’ve got a lot going on right now.” I felt the truth of that. In an instant, I also felt grace washing through me. The compassion that may not have been deserved but effortlessly flowed through me and to them. I felt mercy flow through me and all dark thoughts of criticism and judgment vanished. It flowed effortlessly. It happened in an instant. It was complete. I remembered Jefferson Harris’ words.
And then something even more powerful happened! I felt something new wash through me. It felt beautiful. If I were to describe it in color or essence it seemed like the brightness of the full moon. It glowed a silver-white light that shone in through the top of my head and poured into my whole being. It was peace. A peace like I’d never felt before. Pure. Bright. Clear.
My tears stopped without effort. My being radiated with this soft glow of peace and it felt wonderful.
I’ve spent years working on forgiveness and attempting to let go of past hurts, but this was effortless. All the reasoning I’ve attempted, all the cerebral attempts at rationalizing what had been done (or what I had done to others) got me exactly nowhere. This profoundly and instantly set me free. Not just set me free but allowed me the profound experience of peace.
I’d like to say this stayed with me and I was set free from all conflict or woundedness, but alas, not feeling well and working to redefine my self-worth left me a bit cranky. Yet, I effortlessly reclaim this peace any time I take a moment to receive it.
This peace comes from something greater than myself. The mercy and grace flowing through me and into each situation of conflict doesn’t generate within me either. God knows I’ve tried! These come from a Higher Source.
So let me walk you through this so you, too experience freedom from the suffering that comes from another’s betrayal, criticism, or abandonment. Notice the story created around an event. They did this or that. They chose to hurt me. They are mean. They are hateful. Take a belly breath in to the count of 5, hold it for the count of 5, and release it for the count of 8. Now, open your awareness and hear The Voice say to you, “They had a lot going on.” Feel the truth of this. The Voice within your expanded awareness takes you out of the story.
Now, feel, see, and/or sense the bright silvery moonglow flow from Higher Source into your being. As this energy flows in, sense it flow through you and to the other person in the form of mercy and grace. Not that they deserve it, but because it is being gifted to you now. Not that you generate this mercy and grace, but because it is freely given to you now. Feel your hurt dissipate. Notice the bright silvery moonglow remain and feel the sensation of peace take hold. You are free.
You may wish to sit with this for a bit and then do it for self judgment. For the times we do unkind things to ourselves and to others. Hear the Voice say, “You had a lot going on.” Feel mercy and grace flow in and through you. Notice the bright silvery moonglow flow and remain. Receive peace. You are free.
Repeat the process as needed.
Claim the freedom within mercy, grace, and peace that Higher Source offers you now. All the struggling to let go of something eases and ceases. Peace remains. This is true freedom!